A bumblebee's wings should not be able to support it's weight in flight...but nobody told that to the bumblebee.

Lately God has been reminding me that I can do and be whatever I want. College students live in this world of declaring one major and one path and that's a mindset that I'm tired of. With my anxiety disorder, I also live in a world of knowing (or assuming) that there are things I can handle and things I just can't. I let the enemy convince me that I don't have the talent, the guts, or even the time to do something creative. I hold out on self-care until it's too late and that simple walk I should've taken to clear my head has now become doctors appointments, medication, stiff muscles and panic attacks. I won't touch my art supplies because I'm scared of "wasting" them or wasting my own time. When the creativity bug does strike, I spend time finding the supplies I need, searching Pinterest for ideas, but then standing frozen in front of a blank canvas. Sometimes I do allow the beautiful colors that God creates to flow from my hands, but I am usually interrupted mid project by a crippling feeling of failure. "This is child's play, Heather. Nobody actually likes this. They're just smiling and nodding so as not to hurt you. You don't even have any talent."  These are words from the enemy. Words meant to turn my heart away from God. When I paint or create, I find myself talking openly with God as if we were sipping coffee together. We discuss the colors, the purpose, and technique of the particular project and we laugh at the mess I've made on myself and my surroundings. We talk about how fun this is and He asks me notice the feeling of calmness and productivity that I feel....But then I allow the enemy to creep back in. Because for me, there's always possibilities of something going wrong or the anxiety of judgement.  It's actually a raging battle of conflicting thoughts that may or may not result in some form of art that I may or may not despise or stare at in awe for a few hours. Babbling?? Who me?? Ok well maybe. But the point is, that I took this semester as a time for me to take care of my health and truly listen to God. I will create when I feel like creating, I will do all things in an attempt to honor God and I will be the person that God needs me to be on this earth. Oh one more thought....my writing style is much like my approach to a piece of art. I start out with some outline and some basics, I then really let it flow, and then I panic and just finish it up so I can have a feeling of completion. The end.